Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize