His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
