I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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