all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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