the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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