About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
