His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
