my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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