Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
