i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
