I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
