You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
