I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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