she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
