omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
