Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
