He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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