Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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