dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
