Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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