Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
