whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
