Porn is love you can see.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
