I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
