It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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