my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
