How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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