Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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