the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
