why didn't you poke me back
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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