mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
