Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
