Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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