i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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