I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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