so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
