"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
