the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
