Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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