thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
