You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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