I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
