Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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