i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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