it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
