How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
