He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
