I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
