my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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