Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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