all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize