i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
