I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
