Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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