just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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