Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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