He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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