normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
