I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
