Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
