I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
