I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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