I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
