Sry I called you an 8
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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