ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
