sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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