But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
