Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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