tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
