they need to just BURY HIM!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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