Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
