she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
