o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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