I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
