Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
