My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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