I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
