We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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