At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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