Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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