I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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