So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
