This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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