Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
