"it" just moved
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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