who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
