So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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